Jealousy And Swinging
He Watches Her Sex Tape and feel Threatened and Jealous
I recently found a sex tape of my girlfriend with her ex boyfriend. They made the tape when they were together. I was over at her place, woke up to find she had gone to run some errands, so I decided to watch some videos. I found a stash of tapes near the VCR (yeah old technologies I know) labeled “porn” so I figured I would pop one in. That is how I found it. When I realized what (and who I was watching) I check out all the tapes, and they were all of her and past boyfriends. I hated it. I watched the tapes until she came home, and then demanded that she throw all of the tapes away. She got mad at me and called me a hypocrite because I had wanted to take pictures of her (she refused) and said I was just sore that she wasn’t ready to do that with me yet. How can she make videos with those other guys and she not pose for me? What gives with her?
-Confused About Sex Tape
Dear Confused & Jealous,
Dude, grow up and I mean now. She’s right, you’re wrong. You say you hated it? Is that why you KEPT watching the videos of her until she came home? Me thinks you liked it more than you care to admit. She did not cheat on you, as she made those tapes before she dated you, so deal with it. It really is none of your business and you had no right to demand her throw away anything.
I want you to consider that the way you handled this whole thing really shows a lot of immaturity on your part. If you behaved like this with her at other times, she has every right and is really smart for NOT posing nude for you. You obviously don’t make her feel like her emotional needs are addressed when she is with you. If you handled this situation with more maturity, she might have felt differently about you and then would have posed for you. Consider finding her private collection a test; one that you failed. Instead of acting hurt, jealous or angry, you could have shown support, encouragement and enthusiasm for her adventurous side and willingness to try those things.
The problem there is YOU not her.
Just because people (men and women) carry mementos of their past relationships does not mean they love their new partners less. My wife has material things from her past relationships, and so do I. We share them now together. This does not mean hanging up pictures of our exs over the fireplace, but we each have a past, and photo albums on shelves have pictures that contain each others past. And yes, some of those mementos are sex related and we enjoy them as a couple too.
If you accept your girlfriend, then you must accept her past, just as she must accept yours. If you are going to be threatened by her past, and not focus on the present you are trying to work out with her, THAT is where the growing up needs to happen.