Stripper Girlfriend needs constant attention from him!
Dear Frank
My girlfriend is a stripper. I am 22 years old, and she is my first girlfriend. I got her using what I learned reading your book, Everything Out of Her Mouth is A Test.
I have no problem dealing with the fact she strips for men to make money. In fact, I kind of like the idea that I am with the hot chick that all the other guys want. Here’s what’s bugging me: She gets SO NEEDY for my attention all the time! It is driving me crazy. She wants me to tell her all time that she is beautiful and that she is hot. When I have to sit down and study for school, she freaks out. It is like there is always a major crisis that happens when I have to study and spend time away from her. How can she be this needy for attention when she has guys drooling over her, and paying to see her all the time? Is this something all girls do, or just strippers? I understand that her need to hear that she is beautiful comes from what you call her Fear of Abandonment, but come on! She is a stripper for frigskakes! How could SHE ever fear abandonment from guys, when all she ever gets is guys paying her money to strip?
First Love
Dear First,
First girlfriend is a stripper huh?? Well, this is definitely a great learning experience for you. To answer your question, strippers are not the only girls that behave like this; other girls can act like this too. However the behavior you describe does tend to happen very frequently with women who work in the sex trade.
For these women, especially with women like strippers who witness their competition getting “their” clients, the emotional need of Fear of Abandonment is violated on a constant basis. As each woman is being passed up for prettier girls as soon as the new competition arrives, their insecurities skyrocket. These women do not focus on the hundreds of men that pay them. These women focus on the handful of men that they are unable to get to pay them. This explains the irony of why some strippers are the MOST insecure about their looks and need constant reassurance that they are beautiful their greatest physical assets, fuels their greatest weakness.
The fact is, most of the men paying to see her, are not the kind of men that she herself would be attracted too. She knows that she easily could have them, but she also knows that she would never be able to trust them. They ONLY want her for her beauty, and she feels any of those men would replace her as soon as they could afford to bribe an even hotter looking girl. (I happen to agree with strippers on this belief).
Further to that, let’s also consider that strippers perform for many husbands and boyfriends of other women, and therefore, strippers know how often men would cheat if given the chance. Strippers usually ARE the other women in an affair, as about 50% of the strippers I know, also work privately as prostitutes, escorts and sometimes get into porno.
Lastly, and the most potentially destructive behavior of dating a sex worker is that many of them try to SABOTAGE the potential success of their boyfriends. This is not done consciously. I personally think it comes from the fear that if you succeed in whatever endeavor you are doing you would leave her, and replace her with some other woman.
In your case, getting a degree and finishing school to earn a better life for yourself could be causing her to worry that you would get a better job and/or lifestyle, and would then not want to be with a woman that either is/or was a stripper.
Think of it this way: If she ever met a guy away from work that she really liked, she would tend NOT to tell him about her true profession out the fear he would not give her a chance to be a real girlfriend. When most women while away from work, admit to being a stripper, they get mixed reactions from both the men and women around them. The women act jealous or insulting to them, and the men usually just treat them like “inhuman suits, only good for sex”, instead of treating her like a lady that has a job and earns her own money. This is part of the reason all strippers would rather be referred to as “dancers”. It gives them more respect on the outside.
~Frank, because I have to be
Writer for SandiOnSwinging.com, you can also visit him at www.franktalks.com where he talks more about relationships.