Sandi on Swinging and Sex

4 Secrets That'll Spice Up Your Sex Life!

2010-02-11T14:45:54Z

Sex is a healthy, fundamental component of all good relationships. It unites men and women everywhere, both physically and emotionally and allows both the guy and the girl to truly unleash and express their animalistic AND sensual sides. But no one's sex life is perfect -- things slow down, the energy seems to disappear, it's not as fun or exciting as either of you would like, in short, it needs improving. So what can you do to get back (or even create for the first time) that special spark that makes great sex so...well, great? Here are 4 top tips from the Female Orgasm Guide.

1. PLAY GAMES. The thing that often grinds sex lives to a halt and makes lovemaking become so much of a hassle is the pressure and responsibility that surrounds the whole subject. For the man, there's the burden of having to make the girl reach her own climax. For the woman, there's the strain of making sure her man is sexually satisfied and not bored and liable to go looking elsewhere for sex or questioning the stability and longevity of the relationship they're both in. To counteract these negative pressures, try making having sex a less traditional, scheduled, boring task. Instead, pick a couple of fun games that you can play together that are fun and flirty and that can lead casually and smoothly into the actual sex. Twister, strip poker and spin-the-bottle are all great games that incorporate physical contact and allow both you and your partner to have a little no-hassle, no-responsibility fun that does or doesn't have to lead to a bout of impromptu lovemaking.

2. NEW LOCATIONS, NEW POSITIONS. People often have a very 2-dimensional outlook on the nature of sex and how one should go about having it. The vast, vast majority of people, for example, only have sex in the bedroom. And even they have a set routine, lights dimmed or off, the same progression through the various stages of sex: a little foreplay, intercourse in missionary and maybe doggy if the guy's lucky and the girls feeling up to it, then it's pretty much over. Even if your personal situation has more life than that, sex in the bedroom can still become a drag after a while. So, switch it up. Think about different locations you can use: the living room, bathroom, kitchen...consider all possibilities, even if they at first seem far-fetched and silly. Also, think about locations away from the home once in a while. Motels and cheap hotels offer a couple a fresh place to explore each other. Secondly, improvise and experiment with the positions you use. Missionary, girl on top, spoons, and doggy are all great, but always try to mix in a few more unusual, adventurous ones to spice things up. Even if you find yourself in a tangle with your partner, you've still had fun and been spontaneous, which is a key component of any great sex life.

3. COMMUNICATE FANTASIES. Something few men and women do is talk to their partners about what turns them on, about things they'd like to try, scenarios they'd love to act out, etc. etc. Make telling your partner about things that turn you on a regular thing and, in return, you listen to their previously private fantasies and day-dreams. If doing it face-to-face is too embarrassing, consider sending saucy messages via email or text message. You'll find that after reading about what really gets your partner going, you'll be much more excited and motivated to please them sexually, and they'll feel the same way back!

4. SPECIAL OCCASIONS. When you do the same thing many times, even if it started out feeling new and exciting, it can get a little run-of-the-mill and boring. So, to inject a real sense of passion and renewed excitement into your sex life, make certain evenings special nights in (or out, then in!). Go the whole way to making it feel almost like a celebration and do whatever's necessary to separate it from your usual lovemaking sessions. Popular favourites include getting dressed up separately from your partner, perhaps at a friend's house, then meeting them in a restaurant for a meal. Then, on returning home, you can indulge each other with a slow and sensual massage or perhaps carry out one or more of the fantasies you've been hinting to each other about. From there, sex can begin -- maybe on the floor of the living room or even on the stairs -- remember, impulsiveness and adventurousness are a turn on, use them to kick-start your sex life!

Sensory Sex - Five Reasons to Get it On

2010-02-04T13:32:17Z

Men are visual creatures, and that is how they express themselves sexually. They like to look at boobs. They like to watch porn. However, women are multi sensory. They experience sex with all of their senses. While a great set of abs does entice her visually, so does the sound of a man's voice or the warmth of his touch. When she is attracted to him, his scent is stronger than other men's scents. While men may not be inherently moved to incorporate a woman's fragrance or the cadence of her speech into his sexual nature, it doesn't mean he can't consciously make the decision to do so. The Virtuoso Lover will teach you how. Here's a quick review of the five senses, and how erotic each one can be.

Sight

We'll start with this one just to get it out of the way. Men are already experts in getting turned on by what they can see, but you can take it even further. Really scan your lover's body with your eyes. See how her body is different from other women's. Maybe she has strong runner's legs or perfectly olive skin. You will see her in a new light once you've really taken her in. I mean REALLY taken her in.

Taste

This can be a fun one. Give each other sensual massages with flavored oils, and then lick it off one another's bodies. Blindfold her, and then feed her passion fruits or chocolate mousse. Buy a variety pack of flavored lip balms, and then guess the flavor every time you kiss her hello. Whatever it is, have fun with it.

Smell

Your sense of smell can be heightened during times of extreme arousal. Fill the room with warm, relaxing scents. Breathe in the smell of her skin when she's under you. Once you know her smell, it will get you going every time you catch a whiff.

Sound

This one is easy: talk dirty. Whether you're on the phone telling her what you're going to do to her when you get home, or whispering sweet nothings in her ear, heighten the anticipation with verbal stimulation, just be seductive in the talk not pornographic (that is unless you know she likes it that way). Also, when you're pleasuring her or railing her, listen to her moans and hear her reaction. Then you can be certain you're doing it right. The more pornographic talk usually works good at this time.

Touch

This is the most sexually satisfying of all the senses. Run your hands all over each other's bodies. Feel the warmth of her skin. Play a game where you touch each part of her body from head to toe, but never lose contact. Then enjoy the intense pleasure when you've felt her with all your senses.

Sexual Massage Techniques

2010-01-25T14:11:42Z

A sexual massage is just something I LOVE to receive from my partner. It always relaxes my body and my mind, and never fails to stir my center till I'm all wet and ready to have mind-blowing sex!

I'm sure you want your woman to feel this too so I'm going to give you some basic sexual massage moves you can do tonight. Ready?

How to Give Your Woman a Sexual Massage

In addition to ensuring that you have the right environment (i.e., a quiet room, a well-laid out bed or place on the floor, etc.) and equipment (e.g. scented candles, massage oils, etc.), consider making use of fabric or items made of silk, satin and velvet as well. All these different textures can help bring about different reactions from her. If you don't have them, don't worry. Nothing can beat the best part of this sexual massage session: you.

Firstly, ask your woman to undress (or better yet, undress her). Another tip here to ensure good hygiene is to give her a warm bath first. Either way, once she's nude, have her lie face down on the area you prepared for the massage. While she has her back to you, undress as well.

To learn more tips about how to satisfy your lover tonight, go to Female Orgasm Revealed

Use your hot breath.

Make sure your body and hands are not cold and then lie on top of her (you facing the back of her head). Support your weight on your arms (don't crush her!). This move does three things: it signals the start of the sexual massage by applying pressure on her whole body; it helps to warm her body and prepare it for the massage; and it starts to introduce sexual thoughts into her head because she can feel your penis between her thighs.

Now don't get carried away here and start sex. Proceed with the sexual massage and you will be rewarded as the sexual tension builds up!

Now, start to breath on her neck and her back. Your hot breath should stimulate her sensitive skin.

Use your fingertips.

Now, pull yourself up and straddle her thighs (your penis resting between the backs of her legs), put some warm oil on your hands and start to massage her back with just your fingertips. Alternate your strokes. Apply hard, pressured ones with light touches.

Palm circling.

Progress from using your fingers to 'palm circling', which is basically massaging her back by applying the whole width of your hand. This is a firmer technique that helps her body really relax. As a general rule, never massage her on the bones. Place the palms of both your hands on her back and move them in circles, firmly outward and away from her spine.

Gliding.

Scoot yourself lover down her body. You buttocks should be by her feet now. Now reach to the top of her shoulders and start doing the palm circling massage... but this time, glide down to her ass and start massaging there too. After a few strokes, you can be naughtier with this one.

Reach to the top of her shoulders again but this time, keep your head low so that your face is right in front of her ass. (Like kneeling and bowing to someone.) You can do the palm circling again while breathing hot and heavy against her ass.

A slight -- and naughtier variation -- would be to lick her ass instead of breathing your hot breathe on it WHILE palm circling her back. (Hey, don't forget the massage part even while you're busy sexually arousing her.)

To learn more naughty tricks to give your lover an orgasm, go to Female Orgasm Revealed

Thumbing.

Go back to straddling her thighs, sitting up now, and use your thumbs to massage her lower back. You should make short, rapid, alternate strokes with each thumb, moving up and across her ass toward her waist. Continue up the right-hand side of her body all the way to the shoulders. Repeat this on the left side of her body and finish off by going back and concentrating again on her lower back (just above her butt).

Now for the sexual part... continue to thumb massage her while your hands move slowly down her butt. Part her crack and start to thumb massage her anus. She will try to squirm here but be firm! If she can take it, alternate between this massage and breathing your hot breathe on her anus.

Repeat all these back massages as long as you want! Just remember to oil up often as the warm oil and the gliding effect of your skin on hers does a lot of sexual magic!

Learn more tips to satisfy a woman in bed at: Female Orgasm Revealed

Dealing with Jealousy When Swinging

2010-01-14T14:41:55Z

When you first start out in swinging, you may find that you become jealous of your partner during or after the experience. Is this normal to feel like this? Or to not feel jealous at all?

If you've taken your time to discuss your swinging desires, then you may never have to deal with this. But it's best you know a little either way.

Talking it out

The easiest rule to jealousy in swinging is to talk about it. As soon as you begin to feel jealous, you want to sit down with your partner and talk about what concerns you. Many times, one person in the relationship feels jealous because the other 'did more' than they did. Remember, it's not a competition, but you might feel that your partner and whomever they were swinging with suddenly have a deeper connection.

A lot of times, jealousy also happens because the relationship was shaky to begin with. If you and your partner are having a lot of fights, or just aren't communicating well, then you have to be careful. If you have a moment of feeling jealous, sit down with your partner and discuss EXACTLY what made you uncomfortable. Maybe it will just take changing your personal rules for each other to help with the feelings of jealousy.

Some couples save kissing for just each other and won't allow it between their partner and someone else. Other practice "Soft Swinging", which means saving penetration for your own partner. This is just a couple of ideas to show your commitment to each other. But when you stop to think about it, you and your partner are always leaving to go home with each other, even after a wild and exciting sexual experience with someone else. Some couples find that they become even more confident in their relationship.

Of course, it should go without saying that you need to be in complete agreement about wanting to try swinging is a prerequisite to swinging. If one partner wasn't too keen in the first place, then you may find that accusations and jealousy pop up a lot more.

Talk about the possibility of this out before you even start swinging.

Why you might not feel jealous

Swinging is just so amazing that you may not even feel jealous. And that's okay too. Some experienced swingers feel that their relationship is enhanced by the swinging extras. Knowing that they can share something sexual with another person or another couple can lead to greater intimacy and communication in other areas as well.

So a lot of couples just don't feel jealous. It's actually quite erotic to watch your partner be pleased by someone else or pleasure someone other than yourself. Trust me.

You may also have such a strong relationship already that swinging is just another adventure that you're going on. And there's not a smidge of jealousy because you both wanted to try swinging out anyways.

Swinging is an eye-opening (amongst other things) experience that can show you the strengths as well as the flaws in your current relationship. In most cases, however, swinging is a positive experience that will enrich a relationship as well as your sexual experience.

~ Julia Tanner (as published on SandiOnSwinging.com)

Orgy Invite

2010-01-06T21:03:34Z

He just doesn't understand why she would not like to be a part of an Orgy.

Dear Frank,

I am seeing a married woman who is cheating on her husband. I told her that my friend invited me to an orgy he was throwing with some of his married Swinger friends. I invited her along but she was appalled. She actually gave me a lecture about how married Swingers are the lowest form of people, and that if I dared go there, she would end our relationship. I got mad and yelled "Relationship? You mean how you come over here behind your husband's back?" I then told her hypocritical adulteress ass to shut up.

I do not get it. Wouldn't she of all people want to go to an orgy?

Steve

Dear Steve

I have been in this exact situation in my younger days. Usually that type of reaction comes from jealousy. She is jealous that she has to run around behind her husbands back instead of being able to do it with her husband knowing, like married Swingers do. The fact is, she did not want you to go to the orgy because in her mind, she did have a relationship with you, and you going there was a threat to that. Also, in her mind she is justified in having the affair with you because you are one person and she might see you as low risk for STDs that she could pass along to her husband. If you attend an orgy, she might catch something from you, and give it to her family. Finally, going to an orgy would make her cheating ways more public and that might not be safe for her. Chances are she will come back, but if she does not, affairs are time limited anyways.

~Frank, because I have to be
Writer for SandiOnSwinging.com and TrystSwingers.com

Woman On Top Position

2009-07-06T15:09:29Z

A woman's self-consciousness in the woman on top position

Some women simply do not feel comfortable about taking the sexual initiative or adopting the woman on top position while making love.

There can be all kinds of reasons for this and no one should feel forced into doing something which makes them feel ill at ease. If it is simply embarrassment, it is worth gathering the confidence to give it a try, and almost certainly your man will love the new variation and the chance to lie back and enjoy sex. If, however, he insists on always taking the dominant sexual role, this may be a symptom of a deeper problem within your relationship. No woman should allow herself to feel sexually repressed, and if she feels that she is, the couple may benefit from talking the issues over carefully, or seeking advice from a relationship counsellor.

A woman may be reluctant to try the woman-on-top sex positions because of a sense of low self-esteem regarding her body. Perhaps she is shy to expose it so boldly to her partner, or maybe she feels overweight and too heavy to climb on top of her man. Most women make critical judgements about their bodies, but more often than not these views are not shared by their partners. Feeling good about your body is more to do with your self-regard than your actual weight. You can be big and beautiful or thin and beautiful if you are truly in touch with your inner beauty. However, if your concerns about your body image are actually interfering with your sexual relationship, and stopping you from expressing yourself to your full potential, then it is worth doing something about it.

And though most people do woman on top sex with the woman facing the man, you can try facing away from him. In this sexual position, the woman squats or kneels with her back to her partner.

Although there is less intimacy, because they are not able to see each other's faces, it can be an exciting variation to add to the sexual repertoire. The woman should lower herself carefully onto the penis so that it enters her vagina at a comfortable angle. Penetration can be very deep with any of the woman-on-top squatting positions, so care should be taken to avoid thrusting movements which may cause the penis to jar the cervix. To maintain the squatting position, the woman will need to be quite supple in her hips and legs; kneeling astride the partner may be easier for her. The advantage of this position is that the woman is free to stimulate her own clitoris, while the man surrenders to the pleasurable sensations of her movements.

~ Krystal (writing for TrystSwingers.com)

Aphrodisiacs - Fact or Myth?

2009-06-02T14:24:38Z

Aphrodisiacs are generally based more on cultural myths than fact, but that doesn't stop their allure which continues to this day, as people still experiment with them in an effort to rev up their sex lives. Some aphrodisiacs are just common sense (anything that makes us feel good when we eat it), some are medical advances (not sure if Viagra qualifies as an aphrodisiac but is sure works), and some are just silly and not worthy of our attention. Want to know what to try and what to avoid? Just read on.

Throughout history, people all over the world have tried certain foods, beverages, drugs, and chemicals in the hopes of being bestowed some magical aphrodisiac powers. The fact that some look similar to men's and women's genitals, or are even derived from animal sex organs, was no accident. Named after Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, beauty, and fertility, aphrodisiacs are substances that supposedly elicit sexual desire and arousal, enhance sex drive and sexual "performance," and extend sexual energy.

You must have heard of the most famous reputed aphrodisiac of all, made from ground-up beetles of the Lytta vesicatoria species, it is know as Spanish Fly. Its active ingredient, cantharidin, irritates the bladder and urethra, causing increased blood flow to the genitals and sensations of warmth there, but can permanently scar urethral tissue and infect the genitourinary tract with continued use. It may also lead to an abnormally prolonged or constant erection (priapism) or an engorged vulva and vagina, both of which are often painful. Spanish Fly can be poisonous or even fatal with prolonged use.

At one time or another all of the following have been believed to be aphrodisiacs. If something sounds good to you, why not try it... who could resist the temptation of Chocolate or Strawberries?

* Oysters and clams. Also other seafood resembling sex organs.
* Ground rhinoceros horn. The term "horny" was apparently coined from this "sexual enhancer." Just don't ask me where you can buy some.
* Bananas, celery, asparagus. Also any other phallic shaped foods.
* Honey, it's reminiscent of sweet vaginal fluid.
* Ginseng, which is also supposed to increase your energy, and we all know what a workout good sex can be.
* Chocolate, several components in chocolate have been linked to mood and potential “aphrodisiac” effects, with many women preferring chocolate over sex there must be something to it.
* Strawberries and Champagne, what a way to get a woman in the "mood".
* Chillies, curries, and other spices and spicy foods. They make the heart beat faster and produce perspiration, which commonly occur during sex.
* Raw bull's testicles, again don't ask me where to get some.
* Yohimbine - an extract from the bark of the West African yohimbe tree

According to a review by the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA), however, no purported aphrodisiac has been scientifically proven to be effective at meeting its claims. In fact, as in the case of Spanish Fly, some can be harmful and even potentially dangerous. It's also important to remember that, because aphrodisiacs, similar to other herbal supplements, are not regulated by the FDA, it can be hard to know exactly what you're getting when you pick up a bottle of "liquid love/lust" from your local sex shop. If you do decide to give store-bought aphrodisiacs a try, make sure you know enough about all the ingredients and buy from a company with which others have had good experience. This is more important when dealing with ingestible sex "enhancers", topically applied ones generally do not have any side effects.

Sometimes drugs are used as aphrodisiacs. Alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, amphetamines, and barbiturates, for example, help reduce or remove inhibitions and/or produce pleasurable feelings and sensations that could lead one to feel sexually aroused. However, instead of this intended outcome, decreased or no sexual response and functioning could occur, often when taking moderate or larger amounts, or from long-term usage. Dependency and other more serious harms can also result. In addition, people's judgment is often impaired, leaving them more vulnerable to sexual assault, as the recipient or perpetrator.

Another drug, amyl nitrate (aka "poppers"), apparently intensifies and prolongs sensations of orgasm, probably by increasing blood flow to the genitals and distorting time perception. But, it can also cause dizziness, severe headaches, unconsciousness, and a drop in blood pressure which could become dangerous.

Regardless of whether or not aphrodisiacs actually work, the power of suggestion, psychologically and emotionally, is key. If one believes using any particular substance, alleged aphrodisiac or not, will help enhance his or her sex life, and s/he is receptive to that longing, then it can help bring about sexual desire and arousal, at least in the short-term. Of course, a good night's sleep, time, privacy, confidence in your contraception, self-confidence, and a turned-on partner may do the same thing.

~ Krystal (writing for TrystSwingers.com)

Caring For Your Sex Toys

2009-05-19T14:20:27Z

Vibrators

You can easily wipe your Vibrators clean with a cloth moistened with warm water, alcohol, or even better is to use a cleaner especially formulated to clean your toys. Vinyl vibrator attachments can even be washed in the top rack of a dishwasher, attachments only not the whole vibrator. To prevent corrosion of motor parts, never immerse a vibrator in water.

Silicone Toys

Clean silicone toys with mild soap and water, be sure to rinse it completely. Most viruses and bacteria can NOT live on a dry surface so make sure to thoroughly dry it before putting it away (air drying is best -- but if you are in a hurry or need to keep it away from little hands you can use a lint free towel). Silicone products can also be safely washed in the top rack of a dishwasher or sterilized by boiling (unless there are any plastic parts attached). Be very careful to avoid breaking the surface of the silicone, once there is even a small crack silicone toys can tear quite easily. Make sure to watch out for teeth and fingernails, and don't let the cat kidnap your toy! If you are using a harness, make sure the dildo fits easily through the opening and does not have to be forced. Use some lubricant, if necessary.

Rubber Dildos and Plugs

As these rubber dildos are porous, using condoms is the easiest way to keep them clean. Rubber dildos will become more flexible with time and use, so be patient, but if you'd like yours to soften up in a hurry, leave it in the sun for a little while, or try using your hair dryer on it before using. Clean all dildos and plugs with mild soap and water. Again, make sure they have been rinsed well and are completely dry before putting them away.

Harness

Keep your (strap-on) harness as clean as you would any other item of intimate apparel. Hand wash your harness with mild soap and water, and let it dry thoroughly before putting it away. Be careful not to leave your leather harness in front of direct heat or it will dry out the material and be subject to cracking.

Latex Products

Use only water-based lubricants with latex, never oil or petroleum-based lubes as they will eat away at the latex. Keep latex in a cool, dry place. Don't re-use latex with others during the same sex time. If you'd like to swap toys with a partner or use the same toy vaginally and anally without interrupting the flow of things to wash up, put a condom on your toy to minimize the risk of transmitting viruses or bacteria. Then you can simply change the condom and you are ready to go.

~ Sandi & Ted from TrystSwingers.com

Vibrators and Dildos - What's the difference?

2009-05-06T17:57:05Z

There are such varieties of both Vibrators and Dildos that is it so easy to get confused. To make things easy we have split this article into two sections; Similarities and Differences. So, here are the basics:

The similarities are

Both can look like penises, but not necessarily.
Both come in a variety of colors, sizes and textures (materials).
Both can be inserted, depending on the type of vibrator.

The differences are

The main purpose of a vibrator is to stimulate the genitals externally or internally through vibration while the dildo is used to provide sexual stimulation through penetration.
Vibrators vibrate, they provide stimulation through vibrations while Dildos do not.
Dildos, generally, are long, narrow and insert-able and are generally penis shaped. Vibrators can be much larger or smaller, can have handles on them and can even be used by remote control.
Dildos are generally made of rubber, jelly, wood, acrylic, plastic, silicone and glass. Vibrators are generally made of jelly, plastic, metal and silicone.
Vibrations are generally hand held, while Dildos can be hand held or used as a strap-on.

The important thing to know about both of these type of sex toys is that they can enhance the sex lives of men, women and couples alike. Always remember to clean your sex toys after every use. They can bring about great pleasure, and if the lady is so inclined multiple orgasms.

~ Sandi & Ted from TrystSwingers.com

5 Tips For Better Lovemaking

2009-04-23T18:00:37Z

Here are five really simple ways to make your lovemaking more hot, steamy and passionate (Even starting tonight)

1. Find your partner's "hidden" zones

I call these "hidden" zones because many people don't realize, or forget, that these areas of the body LOVE attention.

While many of these zones are obvious, like the lips, breasts, inner thighs and genitals, there are also areas that, when stroked, caressed and kissed, can drive your partner wild and even intensify their orgasm.

Believe it or not, the ears, neck, arms and hair are all really sensitive areas that love to be stimulated. Spend some time during foreplay caressing and touching these areas, and watch how it pleases your partner.

2. Set a romantic mood

People often think that using candles, music, incense and even rose petals to set the mood of your lovemaking is too "cliche". Are they kidding! Your partner will LOVE YOU for this.

Just imagine how happy you would feel if someone went to all the trouble to create a special lovemaking occasion that you can cherish for years to come. Could this be so "cliche" because people enjoy it so much? Point made.

3. Give them a sensual massage

Why stop at setting the mood? Go one step further and give your partner a sensual massage that makes them feel relaxed and loved at the same time. Make it sexy, sensual, and pleasurable.

Massage them naked or build up the anticipation by having them slowly undress during the massage. Then kiss, caress and slowly transition "under the sheets" where a massage of another kind can take place.

And no, you don't need years of study to give a great massage. Just grab some candles and music, and bless your partner with an experience they'll never forget.

4. Please your partner with more oral sex

Did you know that oral sex is a great way to strengthen your relationship? Think about it. It takes a lot of trust and comfort to let somebody have their mouth down there. Not to mention it's great for men who want to relax without pressure to perform, and for women who can't reach orgasm from only intercourse. In short, it's an important part of foreplay. Here are some tips for both men and women.

LADIES: Women often start fellatio by sucking on the penis straight away when, actually, they should start with some playful teasing and soft touches. This will lead to a much more powerful orgasm as it heightens his anticipation.

GENTLEMAN: A mistake men often make is moving their tongue in a thrusting fashion, when stimulating the vagina and clitoris orally. Instead, they should lick it like an ice cream cone. Another great tip to keep things exciting is to write the alphabet around the clitoris with your tongue.

5. Constantly explore and try new things

If I could only give you one piece of advice for better lovemaking, it would be this: become adventurous and creative.

Nothing is stopping you from red-hot passion except your level of creativity. Try a new position, do it somewhere new, or spice up your foreplay with a game.

Let's face it, the basic act of lovemaking, no matter how hard you try, is always kiss and thrust, but it's HOW you do it and the way you make your partner feel that really counts.

By dedicating time to finding new things, you can turn ordinary lovemaking into extraordinary lovemaking. This is the sure-fire way to make sure your lovemaking stays passionate, pleasurable, and intimate for years to come.

~ Michael Webb

How to Admit to a Foot Fetish

2009-04-20T15:34:00Z

This page is to show you how to admit to your partner that you have a foot fetish.

Steps

Make subtle hints, look at your partners feet now and then and allow yourself to be seen doing so.
After doing so, offer your partner a foot massage on a regular basis, this will allow your partner to accustom themselves with you touching their feet.
During a time of passion or love, slowly move yourself toward your partners feet. If he/she begins to show some discomfort or dislike you know to stop.
If he/she has not begun to show some form of disapproval, then continue with the usual form of showing affection, be that toe sucking, foot licking or kissing or whichever way, shape or form your fetish takes. Doing this may give her hints that perhaps this is what he/she needs to give to satisfy you.
At the right time (preferably a quiet one, say alone together, for doing it among others may bring up some ridicule) simply tell him/her that you have a foot fetish. Given that earlier hints have not been unsuccessful, she will not see any problem and you will continue your lives a bit better on your part. However she/he may show some disturbance at this, having accepted earlier signs as playing or experimenting.
Be this the case, then sit him/her down and just talk it through, as it is not a relationship busting matter.
Flat out compliment your partner's feet during a massage and even kiss their toes.
Be confident in your approach. Hide any embarrassment. This will make your fetish appear more acceptable and will allow him/her to become more acclimated.

Tips

If she likes nail polish, tell her that she should try a certain color, or a certain color would look good on her feet. This one works like a charm. Later on she will notice you always look at them and start to question. Hopefully she doesn't find it weird.
As soon as she is back at your apartment/house, rip off her boots or heels and start having your way with her feet. This in most cases will result in success.
If all else fails and she is just not into it, decide how important foot play will be to you. If you cannot live without it, find someone through an Adult Dating site who will help you enjoy your foot fetish.

Threesome Is Getting Complicated

2009-04-13T21:55:09Z

Threesome turned into a Triad relationship, and now the other woman wants to keep her all to herself....

Dear Frank,

I am married to a wonderful man. A few years into our marriage, I wanted to explore my bisexuality, and he was very supportive. At first, he let me explore women on my own, and then we started having threesomes with other women.

That was three years ago. Over that time, one woman has become important to us, and I do not know how this happened, but she and her kids have moved in with my husband and I and our kids. We are now what are called a "triad". This was NOT what I ever wanted. I just wanted to explore sex, but I did not want this. We have all been living together for 8 months now, and things are really starting to strain on me. The three of us share a bedroom, and some of our children are not comfortable with this arrangement. What is worse is that my I do not want to be part of a "group" family, and I never did. My husband wants to maintain the triad saying he loves the other woman too, and will not give her or me up. Our lover keeps up appearances when my husband is around but in private she tells me that we should hang in until all the kids go to college and then she and I could leave my husband and have a private life together. How do I get out of this mess?

Joanne B

Dear Joanne,

WHOA!!!!! Read that AGAIN! She just moved in 8 months ago and is already planning for you to dump your husband and be with her after the kids are grown? Get a reality check now! You all want different, and extreme, lifestyles. I really don’t see how it can work. You want a more private and committed relationship with your husband, while exploring your bisexuality. I think you need to make this intention of yours VERY CLEAR to both of your partners. Tell me, do you think your husband would still be so in love with the other "mom" if he knew she was planning for you both to abandon him in a few years after he provided for her kids as well? Does she think he is that much of a moron? Do you? I suggest that you tell your husband exactly what she is planning, and if you can, tape her saying it to you on some recording device just for evidence sake, in case you end up in a divorce and need proof.

You have children, and they are going to be more screwed up from all of this than you will. Get that woman out of the house, or be ready to take your kids with you as you leave them both. He is oblivious to what is going on, and she is not to be trusted. I think she is using the BOTH of you for her kids, and I doubt she would continue to be with you after the kids leave. My guess is she is telling your husband the same thing, that he should dump you once the kids are gone. I think you are all getting set up. Sorry for the harsh language, but she obviously does not respect, or really care for, him or you. I am not sure if do you either because you know she is not trustworthy, and are not yet doing anything to protect your first family (husband and children).

~Frank, because I have to be
Writer for SandiOnSwinging.com and TrystSwingers.com

How to Enjoy Your Fetish

2009-04-03T17:23:13Z

Most men have a fetish: some have foot fetishes while others are into cross-dressing. Life is short. So ask yourself: do you want to enjoy your fetish as much as humanly possible? If the answer is yes, then keep reading .

Steps

If you're a "newbie" to your fetish, you can start by typing it in to a search engine and seeing what comes up. Chances are you'll find a ton of free galleries and paid sites involving your fetish. If the dedicated sites have message boards, check those out too to learn more, ask questions, and make contacts. Also see what information the Wikipedia site has about your fetish. And you can always browse sites like eBay for related items (accessories, books, magazines, photos, videos) as well as adult toy stores (both retail & online).
If there's a term for your fetish, it's probably on video or DVD. Start with the adult section of your local video store as well as adult video stores (including online stores). Again, check eBay. Run searches online for movie galleries of your fetish - chances are they exist. Another great source of footage are free video sites like YouTube.
Looking for others to indulge in your fetishes? Check out your local erotic paper for personal ads. You can also try Craigslist and MySpace to find girls there. But proceed with caution: you never know who you're dealing with on general public sites.
Why find a girl in the erotic paper or Craigslist when there are tons of hot girls on Adult Dating sites. To help girls find you, describe which fetishes you're into on your profile. And of course, search for girls who are open to your fetishes. With millions and million of Adult Dating members, you're bound to come into contact with at least one who'll be happy to play with you.

How To Give Any Woman An Orgasm Every Time!

2009-03-31T14:41:29Z

Making a female reach orgasm during sex is like the Holy Grail for men. It is of the utmost importance to us men and often our number one priority, even outranking our own sexual needs -- if it isn't, then it should be. But why is making a woman cum so high on our to-do lists when we're in the sack? Once you know it's something you'd like to be able to do, how do you give a woman an orgasm each and every time? Is there a special technique, a magic touch, or is it up to the Gods whether or not she makes those infamous moans and groans which are the tell all sign that she has reached that elusive "O" (and actually means it!)

Before we get into specific techniques and the science behind female sexual gratification - let's first have a quick look at the subject of orgasms as a whole, bear with me it will be worth it when you lady is lying beside you soaked in orgasm sweat.

The male climax, which combines ejaculation with an orgasm, is usually a foregone conclusion in sex, and we know that when we cum it's usually end game for us, so we tend to try to hold out as long as we can to make things last -- greedy bunch we are. We also use our orgasms as a marker, the amount of time that elapses between first insertion to final climax constitutes our sexual performance, good or bad. Whether we last as long as we'd like, or do all the things we'd love to do, we're always guaranteed that predictable pay-off at the end of it all. Women, on the other hand -- and somewhat unsurprisingly -- are totally different. Whether they achieve an orgasm is entirely dependent on a host of requirements, including but not limited to: the guy's sexual ability, the female's knowledge of how her body works, her mood at the time of sex, and what she is thinking about. Then there's the added headache (for us!) of women faking orgasms just to please us and keep our egos in check. All combined, giving a girl an orgasm - and realizing that we have actually succeeded - is usually a tricky business for most guys. But there ARE things you can do to ensure you stand the absolute best chance of bringing your partner or partners to the highest possible point of sexual pleasure. These are concepts most men never hear of or, if they do, never try -- because, to be honest, if they did give them a whirl, the female orgasm really wouldn't be such an elusive, unattainable thing. So here we go with the techniques and strategies you should use to give a woman an orgasm... every time!

1. PROPER BUILD-UP

Sexual satisfaction and stimulation happens in two different ways: in the mind, and in the body. Many men forget about this balance of the mental and physical, and rush into penetrative sex too quickly, with too much pace. Instead you need to start slow and gradually intensify the attention you give the girl and the actions you perform. So, begin intercourse with slow strokes that vary in depth and angle. Doing this does two things. First, it warms the woman up physically and allows her body to fully accept and accommodate you. Second, it gives you a vital opportunity to watch for what type of stroke speed, depth and angle stimulates the girl the most and pleasures her to the highest degree. Listen to her moans, watch her eyes and try to sense her excitement levels as you vary your technique.

2. DISPLAY YOUR FOCUS

Don't be afraid to make it obvious that your main goal is pleasuring her as much as you possibly can. Many men feel as if it makes them seem soppy or subordinate to display a desire to only pleasure the female and forget about themselves, but this is a mistake. When you show how much you care about showing her a good time, you achieve three things. First, you turn her on emotionally and mentally (which, as I just mentioned, is vital). Second, you open up healthy communication between the two of you -- she can verbally tell you what feels the best and where you should focus. The third reason is the simplest of all: the more you focus your attention on something, the more likely you are to achieve your goal.

3. DOUBLE STIMULATION

Most women achieve their orgasms from external, clitoral stimulation and not penetrative, vaginal sex. So, focus plenty of attention on pleasuring her with your fingers or orally AND giving her external gratification (such as rubbing her clit lightly in a circular motion with the tips of your index, middle and ring fingers) while partaking in actual intercourse. This more than doubles the chance of reaching orgasm.

Now let's sum up what we've covered -- doing so locks the information in your head and makes it easy for you to use it next time you 'get it on'. First, take it slow and watch for her reactions. When you see her react strongly and positively, remember what action or stroke type or sex position you used. SHOW HER you care about making her feel good. Not only does it make her feel turned on but also automatically more willing and eager to return the favour... in spades! Lastly, vary the action. Mix up intercourse with external stimulation to really boost her pleasure. If you do everything you've read here, you're guaranteed to improve your sex life and the number of orgasms your girl has in it. So give it a go!

What To Do With A Sexless Marriage

2009-03-27T14:20:03Z

(Note from Sandi: I can't think of anything worse than a "Sexless Marriage", so if you happen to be suffering in one, I hope this helps you change all of that. This article also has some points to help you if you are just starting out in the Swinging Lifestyle.)

What can you do to deal with a sexless marriage? First, is your marriage sexless because of the lack of passion or because of a terrible condition; either way you can still salvage your marriage and still happy. First of all, sex is not everything in a marriage. In fact, most religions believe that you should only engage in sex to conceive. Any other time, it's considered a sin. Now today, we have wrapped sex with a string of love. Many people think that if you don't have sex then there is no love. However, sex has nothing to do with love, passion, but not love. Sex is something that we engage in when we find ourselves attracted to another.

Remember how it felt when you were first married? You had such an explosion of passion that you just couldn't help it, but want your mate. However, people change, things change, and so does a marriage. Just because you are in a slum, doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Right now, she may feel overwhelmed with the kids, work, and so on. It may have something to do with you too.

When it comes to you as the reason for the sexless marriage it might just be because you have not given her a reason to feel passion for you. You might not look at her like you use to. When it comes woman feeling attractive it's all about how you make them feel. You need to look at her every now and then and actually see her. Surely it might just be your own depression or career that has blocked you have paying such attention.

However, if you bring home flowers or dinner and give her a hug and a kiss, you may just startle the passion that she has for you. She'll feel appreciated and loved. Love is another thing. Do you talk to your wife about love? Do you tell her that you still love her? Be romantic! Tell her that you love her, let her know that you still feel the same. Go out of your way for her and she'll go out of her way for you. Soon you'll notice that the sex is back and you'll both feel better about the marriage and the future of the relationship.

Bring Back The Sex!

Then again, have you lost your passion for her? It's hard to hold passion for someone over years of time. If you are just not attracted to her, you at least have to try to deal with the problem. Try the romance and ask her about how she feels. Ask her to do some of the things that you need her to do to make you feel the passion again. If you begin to see a third party about your marriage then you will be able to get to the deep feelings that you both hide.

You will be able to overcome both of your insecurities and build a stronger marriage. Just because you have a lack of sex or a dry spell doesn't mean that you should give up on your marriage. If you can talk to your wife about these things and about your intimate relationship, then you should be able to over come the spell, however, sometimes it is not a choice that the couple makes, but the doctor.

There are a lot of couples who cannot have sex because it is too painful or it is a medical condition like cancer. Your wife won't feel beautiful when she's sick and sometimes they can't bare the thought. When it comes to dealing with a marriage that is sexless by choice, you should try to think about why you married your wife. You didn't marry her because of the sex; you most likely, married her because you had such a connection. You felt like you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this woman. Now that she's sick, you have to be there by her side through it.

Sex should be the last thing on your mind and if you truly love her then it really won't matter. In fact, even if you aren't in this type of situation, you should not care about the sex. All that you can do is go to your wife and talk to her and tell her you love her more than ever. You may not be able to add sex to your marriage, but you will feel so better.

Some couples have a choice between having sex and not having sex, and then some couples don't. Regardless, you need to show your support to your wife and talk about your feelings about the sexless marriage and about your marriage in general. Open up and you will end up finding that you will feel better about your marriage and yourself.